1. “You’re just like your father."
According to Womansday.com and many
psychologists, this is a cruel way of poking at
your husband's fear that he exhibits the worst
traits of his father. He wants to be his own man!
2. “When are you going to find a new job?”
According to a leading marriage psychologist, a
man evaluates himself partially on how he can
take care of his family. Pestering him about
when he is going to venture into the job hunt is
akin to insulting his ability to take care of you
and his children.
3. “My mother warned me you’d do this!”
This can be interpreted as ganging up on your
spouse; by bringing your mother into the
argument, you are establishing that there are
others on your side of the issue, and that he is
4. “Just leave it––I’ll do it myself!"
This can hurt your husband doubly, because it
takes away from his ability to take care of his
family, and it insinuates that he can't do
something right - even something as simple as
cleaning up or washing the dishes.
5. “You always... [fill in the blank]” or “You
never... [fill in the blank]”
This sets the stage for a dramatic argument.
When using generalizations like 'always' and
'never', the argument is usually untrue, and
indicates that your husband doesn't give even a
modest effort. This makes it easy for insults to
be flung back and forth, especially once he
realizes he can cite examples of times when
those generalizations weren't true. ("Remember
last week! I did pick up the kids...take out the
6. “Do you really think those pants are
This kind of comment is hurtful, because it
implies that he's putting on weight. Plus, it
shows superficiality in the relationship. Why are
you worried about the way he looks, rather than
his health if he really is gaining weight?
7. “Ugh, we’re hanging out with him
No one likes to be told who to be friends with,
and your husband is no exception. It insults his
choice in friends, which indirectly insults him.
Why not say: "You know, I don't always like to
do what you and your friends do. Maybe you
two can have a guys' night out?"
8. “Please watch the kids. But don’t do this,
take them here or forget that...”
Don't make him afraid to be a dad. Shooting
down his efforts by questioning his judgement
like this is a sure-fire way to motivate him to
NOT be a dad, rather than the other way
around. You want him to be a partner in
parenting, but what you might not realize is
that you don't give him a chance. Sure, you're a
nervous Mom, but a little trust can keep a
marriage with kids going strong.