The ABC’s Of Every Party Girl’s Life
Are you having trouble recovering like you used to from even mild nights out? Is your relationship status “gin and platonic?” Congratulations lady and welcome to the party girl life.
We love to listen to guys play up their jobs during Happy Hour almost as much as we’re jealous of the girls who “don’t discuss work” because they are really playing Housewife. But at the end of the day, we’re proud to pay for our own drinks.
You catch yourself having to think hard if you should respond with the city you currently live in or your hometown on your Official Government Documents. And you always find pretzel crumbs in your purse from secretly munching to sustain yourself during a night on the prowl. Classy.
Mashups are our anthems and our posse is ride-or-die. We have a file cabinet of Hookup Horror Stories as deep as our bruises from raging just a little too hard…
It’s a tough job but someone’s got to do it. Here are the ABC’s of your party girl life.
A is for alumni weekend. You already have next year planned and the outfit in mind.
B is for blowing a week’s worth of healthy eating on 4 am pizza.
C is for cropping the red cup out of your LinkedIn profile picture.
D is for debating what shoes to wear more intensely than the situation in Ukraine.
E is for EDM. Listening to it only at the gym and between the hours of 9 pm – 5 am Thursday – Sunday.
F is for flirting after one too many. “Loosened up” is not the same as “loose p*ssy.”
G is for Grinching hard on anyone who thinks they are “raging” when they clearly are not.
H is for honesty and it’s the best policy, especially when it comes to dating profiles and your level of alcoholism.
I is for IKEA. All your furniture is spill-proof and easily replaceable.
J is for judgment — never doing it or using your best.
K is for keeping it real. You wouldn’t wear a crop top and a mini skirt together, just like you would never mix uppers and downers.
L is for the Love/Hate relationship you have with your late night escapades. You love dancing and socializing, but you hate waking up with glitter on your face and a massive hangover.
M is for microwaving popcorn. This is a food group and necessity on your nights off.
N is for never remembering your night post the pregame. It’s okay, you’ve done this enough times to know you just got drunk, BOMO’d (blackout makeout), and went home to pass out on the delivery guy. Standard.
O is for overdressing for a night at the bar. Who says you can’t wear platforms to the local dive?
P is for pregaming before an HBO show on your recovery Saturdays. This includes Bloody Marys and mimosas.
Q is for quietly raiding the office pantry on Friday mornings for hangover food.
R is for recaps in bed with top knots and messy buns.
S is for sleep — it’s the cure all and the one thing you can’t get enough of, even more than a Beyoncé sing-a-long.
T is for turning up the volume: on your hair (seriously who does the flat iron look anymore?), your nights out and on your TV when you overhear your roommate having sex.
U is for unabashedly wearing last night’s makeup to brunch the next morning. Just pretend you got laid!
V is for vacating the premises in the wee hours of the morning and feeling triumphant as the sun rises.
W is for Wine and Weed Wednesdays. No party girl gets through hump day without her treats!
X is for XOXO, Gossip Girl. No one will ever be quite sure where to spot you on a Saturday night, and you like it that way.
Y is for you, get on with yo’ bad self!
Z is for zing! You might be a party girl, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have spice and flavor.
Top Photo Courtesy: We Heart It