15 Arguments No Guy Has Ever Won Against His Girlfriend (and Never Will)
Reading this brought back some memories and made me laugh; Being in a relationship isn’t all holding hands
and rainbows and consistent intimacy. There
comes a time, every so often, when a couple
butts heads, which is exactly why they invented
As much as he protests, as much as he tries to
fight back, there are just some arguments that no
matter what, a man will never win.
Because — repeat after me — the lady is always
Here are 11 arguments a guy will never win with
1. The “Be Honest” Fight
“Be honest. Do you think I’ve gained weight?”
“Maybe a little bit.”
“You said be honest….”
That’s the thing about honesty — when someone
asks for it, it probably means you should lie.
Except when it comes to questions about her
weight, her Bottom and her parents… then you
2. The “Why Were You Checking Her Out?” Fight
Even if you weren’t checking out another girl,
even your eyeballs could not have possibly
looked in the direction your girlfriend is
claiming, even if there wasn’t an actual female in
You’re never going to win this argument. And the
more you protest, the more she’ll fire back.
Take a tip from my senior history teacher:
Always give her the view of the restaurant so
your eyes aren’t tempted to wander.
3. The “I Can’t Read Your Mind” Fight
“I didn’t mean it when I said I didn’t want to
celebrate our anniversary!”
4. The “I Caught You Looking At P.orn” Fight
Men are always getting caught looking at p.orn,
and this time it’s no different. Tuck your tail
under, tell her the requisite things she needs to
hear and have some make-up sex that’s better
than the movies.
5. The “Leaving Flirty Comments On Facebook”
Oh, so you thought we wouldn’t see that
borderline slutty comment you left on that girl’s
Facebook photo in which she so happens to
look pretty darn good like a b*tch? Delete it now
or else you shall feel the wrath of one thousand
6. The “We’re Watching ‘The Devil Wears Prada’
We promise you’ll really like it in the end! It’s so
good, there’s even Meryl Streep and we all
justdieover her. Thanks baby, you’re the best!
Shut. It. Down.
7. The “Make More Of An Effort With My
You know what you have to do. Even if it means
dancing to Katy Perry and not touching your
girlfriend’s Bottom for two hours.
8. The “I’m Drunk And Irrational And Need
This fight is not unlike a Russian movie — it’s
painful to get through and difficult to interpret,
but there could be worse things, like needing to
hold her hair back.
9. The “Why Do You Still Have That Unclad Photo?”
Who the eff is that girl andwhere can I get her
trainerdelete that sh*t right now.
Why do you still have it and you better not have
opened it since 2005. Congratulations bro, you
just unleashed a whole load of cray cray, so
make like a scissor and cut it out.
10. The “You Seriously Want To Chill With Your
Bros More Than Me?” Fight
Do your friends have bosoms? Did they pick up
those chocolate-covered bananas you like? That’s
right. Didn’t think so. Go have fun playing video
games and picking your noses with the guys.
11. The “You’re Coming To The Beyoncé Concert
With Me” Fight
She’s an icon and you know it. We won’t even
mind if you hold your balls the entire night to
secure your manliness. Great, buying the tickets
now. We love you like XO.
12. The “I Found Something On Your Phone That
I Didn’t Like” Fight
So, we went snooping through your phone —
clearly we needed to do some investigating.
It still doesn’t compare to the perceived offensive
text messages you’ve been engaging in.
Regardless of how pissed you are that she broke
your privacy, perhaps you shouldn’t give her any
reason to do so.
13. The “Why Are You Wishing Your Ex A Happy
We don’t care if she threw a “Billy Madison”-
style birthday party and then offered you a
gigantic slice of cake. We all know what saying
“Happy Birthday” to an ex means: I’m still not
over you and I want you to think of me on your
special day. Her candle was blown out ages ago.
14. The “I Don’t Want To Leave This Party Early”
Unless you plan on getting cozy with your hand
tonight, you will stay with us until we are ready
to leave. This isn’t us making a scene, it’s us
relishing in the scene.
15. The “Tell Me You Love Me” Fight
This one usually doesn’t come out until you’ve
fought about something completely unrelated for
20 minutes. Who said girls were complicated?